Love is not a trade or a transaction. A quid pro quo. An exchange, a barter. Love is not a reaction. If you love someone because they love you then it is merely a transaction, a favor returned. You scratch my back and I scratch yours. Neither does love know that it is giving something, nor does it ask for anything in return. And in such love there is tremendous freedom. Bereft of any expectation from the other party, you love freely, you love unconditionally. There are no shackles of expectation. Expectation creates a bond. Neither there is disappointment on non-reciprocation when the expectation is belied, nor there is the elation or delight or in some cases relief when the expectation is met. Freedom comes from not caring about what happens. You are immune and oblivious to the potential probability distribution of outcomes and a particular realization within this distribution. All this is within the realm of how it affects "you". But when it comes to the expected probability distribution for the other person and any realization within, you care deeply.
A loving parent does not care what the son or daughter will do for him or her. This is not a consciously cultivated decision. Such thinking is preempted by true love for the child because the only concern is what happens to the child. In this there is no room for self concern. You care deeply about what happens to the child for the child's sake not for what that would mean to you. If want your child to excel academically or socially for what it will mean for you then you are just trying to live your life through your child. But if you care about how the child will feel, react or what will become of it certain adverse scenarios to materialize then you truly love.
In this fashion love binds. Love is pure agony because you suffer with the beloved. It is like a fusion where you empathize with the beloved and suffer when he or she suffers. You carefully manage the affairs, shape the future so that the beloved does not suffer. You know you will suffer when the beloved suffers but this suffering of your own is not the driver behind your preempting the suffering. You can deal with it. It is the suffering of the beloved that you want to preempt. This is the love we can see from parents towards children.
How poetic or ironic it is that true love is incredibly free and yet completely bound. How is that possible? It can be only understood if one comes to the realization that in true love there is no self. When the self is not, the true love is. No expectation and free giving. Complete acceptance of suffering without a complaint. Is that not self abnegation, self annihilation, self decimation that is completely natural in true love. This is absence of the self. Since self is absent, there is no cognizance of either the delight or the suffering. Making this phenomenon explicit through words such as delight and suffering is due to limitation of language and are needed to explain this state but within the state itself there is no recognition of the either state.
I am not talking about co-dependents who self-sacrifice themselves in order to preserve the object of love. That is not love. That is taking abuse. Situation I described has no element of abuse in it.
All our notions of love prevalent in the modern society are wrong. They are all transactional. Transaction makes mockery of love. If there is any element of a transaction in true love, it is that it flows only in one direction. From lover to beloved. Any reciprocation is merely incidental and not germane.
A loving parent does not care what the son or daughter will do for him or her. This is not a consciously cultivated decision. Such thinking is preempted by true love for the child because the only concern is what happens to the child. In this there is no room for self concern. You care deeply about what happens to the child for the child's sake not for what that would mean to you. If want your child to excel academically or socially for what it will mean for you then you are just trying to live your life through your child. But if you care about how the child will feel, react or what will become of it certain adverse scenarios to materialize then you truly love.
In this fashion love binds. Love is pure agony because you suffer with the beloved. It is like a fusion where you empathize with the beloved and suffer when he or she suffers. You carefully manage the affairs, shape the future so that the beloved does not suffer. You know you will suffer when the beloved suffers but this suffering of your own is not the driver behind your preempting the suffering. You can deal with it. It is the suffering of the beloved that you want to preempt. This is the love we can see from parents towards children.
How poetic or ironic it is that true love is incredibly free and yet completely bound. How is that possible? It can be only understood if one comes to the realization that in true love there is no self. When the self is not, the true love is. No expectation and free giving. Complete acceptance of suffering without a complaint. Is that not self abnegation, self annihilation, self decimation that is completely natural in true love. This is absence of the self. Since self is absent, there is no cognizance of either the delight or the suffering. Making this phenomenon explicit through words such as delight and suffering is due to limitation of language and are needed to explain this state but within the state itself there is no recognition of the either state.
I am not talking about co-dependents who self-sacrifice themselves in order to preserve the object of love. That is not love. That is taking abuse. Situation I described has no element of abuse in it.
All our notions of love prevalent in the modern society are wrong. They are all transactional. Transaction makes mockery of love. If there is any element of a transaction in true love, it is that it flows only in one direction. From lover to beloved. Any reciprocation is merely incidental and not germane.
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